I first knew I had a problem when I started hiding my habit from my husband. Tired of defending my television viewing choices (“I’m not addicted,” “I can stop whenever I want to,” “I just like it, that’s all”), I simply began to hide them. This took an enormous amount of discipline, I must tell you. Upon waking in the morning, I yearned to know what Karen was wearing, what Heidi was selling, what the Home Shopping Network was showing. But I grudgingly put the television on CNN as my husband got into the shower to get ready for work. But once I kissed him goodbye at the door and tiptoed to the front window to make sure his car had pulled out of the driveway, I gleefully ran to the couch, dove for the remote, and flipped to ShopNBC.

My fetish for these channels began only a few months ago. You see, I’m a writer who works from home. As such, I often leave the television on during the day for company or even for a little white noise. I used to flip between CNN and Fox News to serve my purposes, but suddenly the news became too sad. Fourteen Israeli’s died in a bus bombing. A little girl’s sexually ravaged body was found on a desert road outside of Riverside. A married Marine with two children died in a helicopter crash. Then Dr. Andrew Weil appeared on Larry King one night and told me that for better mental health I should wean myself from the news. I complied (much to CNN’s chagrin, I’m sure).

Then there are the engaging personalities. Some of the show hosts are incredibly charismatic. I can hardly tear myself away. Lea Little on Shop at Home could sell ice to Eskimos, as the old saying goes. Colleen Lopez on the Home Shopping Network keeps audiences in stitches as she sells CZ jewelry with Suzanne Somers wearing a butt master on her head. And then there;s Margie on ShopNBC with those charming Tiffany style lamps. We can check the channel schedules and tune into our favorite host each day. See how she’s doing (most are indeed she’s), what she’s wearing, how her hair looks, what lip color she chose, if she’s tanning. We even get involved in their lives: Connie’s engaged; Kendy just had a baby; It was Pamela’s birthday. Among the hosts, their callers, and the viewer there exists a certain camaraderie, a sense of community, not unlike the one Oprah builds.

I also learn a lot. The shows and show hosts can be incredibly informative, and for a knowledge lover like me, it’s irresistible. Did you know tanzanite was only discovered in 1967? That it was named after the country in which it was found, Tanzania, by Tiffany and Co.? That it’s only found in a five square mile radius in one place on the planet. That it’s only a seven on the Moh’s scale of hardness, so you wouldn’t want to wear a ring of it everyday. For frequent wear, maybe go for a pendant or earring. Or did you know that not all grape extracts are the same? Champagne grape extract is best for exfoliating the skin. Did you know that many of the patents held by high-end watch companies have expired , and that bad boys like Sturhling and Invicta are making watches with all the bells and whistles at a fraction of the price of, say, a Rolex or Patek Philippe? That now is the time to plant lilies? That you can take stills with the video recorder on Electronic Connection?

I get lost in the beauty of some of the products too. A 17.36 carat citrine, surrounded by baguettes sparkling in the studio lights.  Pavé set blue diamonds shimmering in white gold.  A pink sapphire glowing from a lovely lobe. The hosts gently tilt their product this way and that until I am lost in a hypnotic haze. And who could resist the graceful sweep of a faux fur trimmed ruana? Or the luscious, rich red of a strawberry plant from Cottage Farms?

And then there’s the fantasy aspect. Imagine, if I could only soak in that bath oil from Italy. Wow, wouldn’t I be something in that matching necklace and bracelet set in eighteen karat yellow gold? Wouldn’t my dining room be impressive with tatouage vines around the windows? If only I had more money… I could be a princess…

Lately, though, I’ve been watching a little too much shopping channel and doing a little too little writing. I hear the first step to change is admitting I have a problem. So here I am, confessing. I must say though, I’m not looking forward to that step in which I have to apologize to my loved ones. How do you say, “Mom I’m sorry I missed your and Dad’s golden wedding anniversary party. QVC had Sunday River Linens on clearance”?

March 2003