I've been sitting here in my lazy boy watching Operation
Iraqi Freedom on television, and I have gathered some thoughts
on the matter.
I have always been proud to be part of the "greatest experiment"
of democracy that our world has ever known. As an American,
I feel entitled to a certain right to arrogance about our
freedoms, our culture, and our way of life. After all, we
have greater freedom than the people of any other country
in the world. That's why I support President Bush's decision
to attack dastardly Iraq with their weapons of mass destruction.
After all, we don't have any of those, do we? Mind you, the
Japanese might not say the same, but all that discussion about
Hiroshima and Nagasaki is just so much sour grapes.
Besides, we make rational decisions about whom to attack
and when; why, just ask the Chileans about Mr. Allende. Well,
he was a Communist, and any government is better than Communism,
right? Just ask the Germans if you don't believe me. It was
Adolf Hitler's promise to end Communism, and of course Jewish
oppression that accompanies it, which allowed him to rise
to power. After all, Karl Marx was a Jew and a Communist.
Who knows where all that parceling up of land and destruction
of class distinctions may lead? We love everyone in America,
as long as they know their place. And we love the Jews, as
long as they stand by our side against Communist terrorists,
Muslim terrorists, and every kind of terrorist that might
drive our gas prices up, and impede our God-given right to
drive SUVs two at a time.
By the same token, ours is a country in which we need not
question our leaders, because our leaders are firmly held
in check by the Constitution, which binds the power to declare
war firmly to the Congress. That way, the President may not
lead any lone charges of glory. Oh well, what's that you tell
me? The Congress abrogated that privilege for the first time
in history by giving it to the President? Hmm, I'm sure that
they know what they're doing. The ACLU is just a bunch of
liberal soreheads for protesting that action. How do they
know what's unconstitutional anyway? They didn't write it.
Still, we can trust that even if our leaders are wrong, we
have the right to protest their actions. The Constitution
guarantees this right, as well as the right to a fair trial.
What are you telling me? A man was arrested in Upstate New
York for wearing a "Peace" t-shirt? I'm sure there's more
to the story. Protesters have been arrested at every major
demonstration for disturbing the peace? Well, they probably
were. Look at what a hullabaloo the Civil Rights movement
caused. Like President Bush's fellow party member said at
Strom Thurmond's birthday, we wouldn't have all this unpleasantness
now if it weren't for a few agitators. I think it's pretty
un-American to protest while our boys and gals are over there
suffering for our safety. After all, if it weren't for all
those protesters during Vietnam, we would've won that war.
The Constitution may say it's okay to protest, but I'm sure
this kind of civil disobedience isn't what the Founding Fathers
had in mind.
As far as the fair trial goes, well, come on. We're hunting
wabbits! I mean, terrorists! If a few innocents die in jail,
well, that's unfortunate. But we must have locked them up
for a reason. Habeas corpus and all. I mean, this IS America.
It can't happen here.
In the words of one great American hero, "For the first time
in all history, a great nation must go on arming itself more
and more, not for conquest or for jealousy, but for peace,"
and I tend to believe it. You think that he's related to that
fella in Vietnam combat who said that we had to "destroy the
village to save it"?
All I know is, I am glad to belong to the most enlightened,
most Christian, most loyal country in the world. Sure is a
shame about those innocent people in Iraq, but if they were
all that innocent, wouldn't they get up and move to one of
our traditional allied nations, like Pakistan, Saudi Arabia,
or even a country we've always held dear like England? And
all this talk about our government building up Saddam to fight
Iran and the Ayatollah is just that, talk. If it ever happened,
Dan Rather would've told me about it. Or at the very least,
I would have seen it on Oprah.
Well, I'm not very fond of Dan Rather these days anyway.
What business does he have interviewing Saddam? So what if
Iraq says they're not connected to Al-Quaeda terrorists? Can't
we recognize a rat when we see one? We've been doing a great
job up until now. For that matter, I'm not sure why Dan Rather
isn't behind bars. All this namby-pamby "freedom of press"
nonsense. I believe my President; I trust my President. And
if the President says Saddam Hussein is a horse, well then,
damn it, he is. I don't see why we should listen to the United
Nations. None of those other countries could kick our ass
in a fight. So what if they hate us? Lot's of great leaders
have withdrawn from the United Nations or League of Nations,
or whatever. That Dan Rather should know better. He's a Texan.
All I've got to say is "God bless the U.S.A." Anyway, those
Americans who don't agree, we can ship them off to Iraq, in
a body bag.
Now that's something I'd like to watch on television.