Example: Did you have an affair with X?
I have been married for thirty-four years. Out of respect for my wife, I think it's better if I do not go into any more detail. (Keep repeating that point.)

Exercise Two
Deflect questions to a third party, preferably pathos evoking persons (i.e. victims in the current situation).

Example: Did you have a sexual relationship with X?
Out of a specific request from the family, I think it's better if I do not go into any more detail.

Exercise Three
When a single female witness states that you have had a sexual relationship with her, call her a liar. (N.B. Make sure there is no physical evidence--say, a stained dress--and that the person is not present during the interview.)

Example: X has stated that you were involved in a sexual relationship with her. What is your response?
She's lying.

Exercise Four
If a witness gives embarrassing testimony, but the witness is not a single female, never, never call the witness a liar (this exercise is especially important if the witness is a mother). Instead, state that there must be a misunderstanding. Try also to appear warm and caring toward the witness.

Example: X's mother said that you have told her Y.
I never said that. I'm sorry if she misunderstood me. My job was to listen and provide support for her during this difficult time.

Exercise Five
If a witness sees you disposing of evidence before the police search your apartment, and the interviewer wants to know why you did this, just keep repeating that the article--say, a watch box--is nothing, only trash.

Example: Why did you throw X away before the police searched your apartment?
It was trash. It was nothing. It was trash.
Then why did you go across town to throw it away?
It was trash. It was nothing. It was trash.

Exercise Six
If the interviewer confronts you with the fact that the police chief has stated that you have not been forthcoming with your answers, just keep repeating that you have answered every question asked of you. Never mind if you answered truthfully or completely.

Example: Why haven't you been forthcoming with the police?
I have answered every question they have asked of me.
Truthfully?
I have answered every question they have asked of me.

Exercise Seven
When the interviewer accuses you of stonewalling, state indignantly that you have answered every question (see above). You may also want to state what the American people think and express sympathy for any victims concerned. (N.B. This last step is for advanced evaders only. See President Clinton tapes for best examples.)

Example: What will you say to those who may feel you have stonewalled during this interview?
I have not stonewalled. I have answered every question. I think the American people can see that I am being completely honest and straightforward with you. I mean this is not about me. It's about X and X's family. My prayers and the prayers of my family go out to them.

If ever we find ourselves in a situation in which we are accused of infidelity, lying, obstruction of justice, even possibly murder, we will return to this fine lesson delivered by United States congressman Gary Condit on the art of evasion. Who says we didn't learn anything from that interview?

August 2001