Madonna

In 1981, a revolution of huge proportions hit the television airwaves. It was called MTV, and even Sting wanted his.

Remember the first winner of the ever-prestigious Video of the Year Award? Rod Stewart for the song "Young Turks."

Soon this medium provided a launching pad for such cult artists as Madonna, The Cars, Janet Jackson and a plethora of others, seeking their fame and fortune from the wisdom and taste of babes.

In 1981, I turned twelve years old, so I had the benefit of seeing MTV bloom from its infancy and rise to the career-inflating (and career-ending) juggernaut it became. Indeed, I had a first generation chance to witness why "money is for nothing and the chicks for free."

Of course now, at the age of thirty-one, I no longer have the time or the desire to watch music videos on television.

Lucky for me.

Last week when I did happen to take a look and see what's happened over down MTV way, I couldn't find a single video playing the entire evening.

Boy, talk about changing your format.

But it's not so much the network-style format as the actual content of the programs being aired that got under my skin. I can understand why MTV moved away from their regular videos-only programming (gotta change with the times I guess), but the selections offered made me acutely uncomfortable, to say the least.

Maybe I've lost touch now that I've reached full adulthood. Maybe I just can't bridge the generation gap anymore. But to see the shows that were aired made me absolutely convinced that in no way, shape or form would I ever want to go back to being a teenager again. It's too rough out there.

The first show was called Becoming. In this show, teenagers are selected to become one of their favorite artists. They get dressed up like someone else then dance someone else's moves and shoot someone else's video. Sounds pretty harmless all in all, right? Wrong. Instead of taking the time to encourage these teens to find their own way and create their own unique styles, MTV tells kids that they should aspire to be like Sisqo.

Now…it gets worse.

After Becoming came another show called something like Real Life Stories: The Trials and Tribulations of Today's Youth. In this show, we saw two twenty-year-old girls, best friends, whose greatest aspirations were to "be in Playboy, and, I dunno, get a boyfriend, I guess." One was getting her nose done, and the other was getting her thighs flattened out. They both had their breasts ridiculously enlarged and were pondering further procedures.

Then there was Brad, or whatever the hell his name was. I believe he was a nineteen-year-old. He was going to have, get this, calf implants. Instead of just working out a little more or eating a few more protein shakes a week, he decided to go under the knife and cut out the middleman.

Then, of course, came the obligatory post-surgery shots of all the hell they went through in recuperating, and of course, the Grand Finale: Brad gets to show off his new calves at the beach and at the club…trying to impress his friends and a few chicks.

Then came the coup de grace: Dismissed. In this show, either a man or a woman goes out on a date with two members of the opposite sex, who in turn do their best to seduce and woo and ultimately not be "the one who gets dismissed." Now this is not Blind Date or Change of Heart where you're dealing with working, tax-paying adults who are usually at least twenty-five and out of college. MTV, sticking to its demographic, uses eighteen- and nineteen-year-olds to "keep it real." What follows is two young girls trying to out-do each other at being the sluttiest or raciest bimbo in the dorm, or the two of them almost scratching each other's eyes out with catty remarks and evil innuendo. Eventually, predictably, the boy chooses the girl with the biggest breasts.

Perhaps I've gone stale. Or perhaps I've just grown up. Regardless, I'm recognizing the generation gap for the first time in my life…from the other side.

After numerous years of debauchery and a "nothing but fun" attitude, I have grown to appreciate character, moral fiber, adherence to convictions. It makes me quite sad to see what today's teenagers are exposed to at such a young, difficult age. The damage to their psyches overwhelms and upsets mine, but as long as MTV is making a profit...

And I thought things were tough way back when.

February 2002